Sirius, I'm
by A.Dee the Anglophile
Summary: Sirius tries to give Harry "The Talk" only to find out something very unwanted. Includes heart attacks and hospitals. SLASH! (EW)
1. Sirius, I'm

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling. 

A/N: I'd like to thank BlackPotterGirl, a.k.a. Katie for first inspiring this story with her story LOSS, and then giving me suggestions through e-mail. "The Talk" idea was hers, as was the hospital visit…

Okay, guess what. This is SLASH! And I detest slash. But the plot bunny got annoying, and besides, I'm kind of making fun of the idea of slash. 

"Um, Harry, I think we should talk," Sirius said to Harry just as he was about to go to sleep.

Harry gave his godfather an odd look. "Why are you so nervous?"

"Well, you're…let's sit down, okay?" Sirius said, pushing Harry onto the couch. 

Harry rubbed his head, which had been banged on the arm of the couch, and sighed. "Okay, what do you want to tell me?"

Sirius started pacing, took a deep breath and began, "Well, you're at the age where hormones can sometimes get the better of you, and I want you to know about…the birds and the bees before…well, anyway. I don't know how much you would know about that sort of thing--"

"Sirius, I already know, and besides that, I'm--"

"Oh, all right then, so I don't have to explain anything. Now, I have to say, just in case you get a girlfriend and something happens, I want you to know about--"

Harry interrupted, "_Sirius_, I'm--"

"If anything happens between you and your girlfriend, I want you to promise me that you will use protection. And also, if anything does, um, happen, and she does end up pregnant, promise you'll take full responsibility. I don't want you to deny anything because you're afraid. I won't be happy, but I won't hate you," Sirius continued, without even letting Harry talk.

"_Sirius_, I'm--"

Sirius stopped pacing and faced Harry. "_Promise_ me Harry," he said urgently.

Harry breathed deeply through his nose. "Sirius, _listen to me._ I'm--"

"Already a father?!" Sirius said wildly.

"_No_, I'm--"

"Been sexually active since you were thirteen?!" Sirius said, nearly hysterical by now.

"NO!" Harry bellowed. "Sirius, I'm GAY!"

Hearing that, Sirius clutched his chest, and dropped the ground gasping. "Sharp pain…get help!" Sirius gasped, before passing out.

************ * 

When Sirius woke up in the Muggle hospital the next day, it was to Harry's anxious face.

"Sirius, I'm really sorry about giving you a heart attack," Harry said guiltily. 

Sirius grinned at him. "Don't worry about it. I must have been quite near it anyway, I could've _sworn_ you said you were gay." Sirius laughed. "Ridiculous, eh?"

Harry shifted guiltily in his hospital chair. "Um, actually Sirius…"

THE END


	2. AN

This is just an authors note. You don't have to read it.

Katie: Ok, you were right. It did attract a flame. But just one, so there!

Da ickle reader: ok then. "NO!" Harry bellowed. "Sirius, I'm GAY!"

Hearing that, Sirius clutched his chest, and dropped the ground gasping. "Sharp pain…get help!" Sirius gasped, before passing out.

SweetSuzanne: Thank you!

Ms. Issues: Thank you! I was trying, I was trying…

Maria Li: Thank you!

Mindylow: Well, I guess…just a warning. Some people hate gay people. I don't see why, they're perfectly normal…it's just not canon, so I don't like it.

Boom boom 25702 No, I don't think so. But thanks.

Celestia: THANKS!

Looneymoon: I'm taking that as a compliment.

ALIciA: Thanks!

Nic15: yup, dead as a doornail. Funny thought.

Adel-macdonnachiadhe: Thanks!

Sapphrine: Thanks!

Aleihs: Thanks!

TK Kaiba: Ew!

Amy: Yes, as a matter of fact, it was. My humor is not as good as other types of writing, but I belive it is still good. And I was doing it KIND of making fun of slash, with a PLOT. And yes, I am aware that many slash writers am better than I at non slash. Marauder, Ballyharnon, Dawnatello. I've read their work when I had a slash phase, and it was very good. As for growing up, I am mature enough to not blow my top, and I was just having some fun. This is better than stories that go, "They had sex. The end." far more mature. Also, if you must flame, you could at least sign in.


End file.
